Are You a Secret Disciple?
June 11, 2026
By Pastor Matthew Ball
There’s a man in the Bible who fascinates me, not because he was bold, not because he was fearless, but because he was so painfully relatable.
His name was Nicodemus. He was a Pharisee, a member of the powerful Sanhedrin, a respected teacher of Israel. And he was deeply, undeniably drawn to Jesus. Spiritually hungry. Captivated by the miracles. Something about this Rabbi from Nazareth had gotten under his skin in the best possible way.
But there was a problem.
Nicodemus wouldn’t commit. He wouldn’t go all in. He wouldn’t let people see him with Jesus.
So he came to Him at night.
Half-ashamed and wholly afraid, Nicodemus slipped away under the cover of darkness to have a secret conversation with the man he couldn’t stop thinking about. He wanted the benefits of knowing Jesus without the cost of being known as His follower.
Nicodemus was trying to be a secret disciple.
Can you imagine living like that? One foot in the church, one foot in the world. Drawn to Jesus, but paralyzed by what others might think. That is one of the most miserable places a person can live.
The Bible describes it plainly: “A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways” (James 1:8).
Secret disciples are not free people. Fear binds them. The opinions of others shackle them. Every day becomes a quiet performance: carefully managing what people see, carefully hiding what they actually believe.
Here’s what Jesus was saying in the Sermon on the Mount when he talked about salt and light:
“Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid… Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.” (Matthew 5:14, 16)
If your light stays hidden under a bushel, the house stays dark. If the salt loses its saltiness, the earth stays bland. It’s not complicated. A secret disciple has limited impact, not because God can’t use them, but because they won’t let Him.
There’s another story I love about a man living for God in hiding. You’ll find him in Judges 6, crouched in a cave, threshing wheat out of sight, afraid to identify as a follower of Jehovah.
His name was Gideon.
And what does the angel of the Lord say to this frightened, hidden man?
“The Lord is with thee, thou mighty man of valour.” (Judges 6:12)
Mighty man of valor. To a man hiding in a cave.
Why would the angel say that? Because God could see what fear had buried. God wasn’t looking at Gideon’s circumstances. He was looking at Gideon’s potential. He knew what that man carried inside him: boldness, courage, the capacity to stand up and be counted. It was all there. It just needed someone to call it out.
Maybe that’s you today.
Maybe you’ve been living in the shadows, quietly going to church, quietly believing, quietly hoping nobody at work or school or in your social circle connects the dots. You feel like you don’t have the courage to stand publicly as a follower of Jesus. But I want to tell you what that angel told Gideon:
You are tougher than you think you are.
God knows what’s inside you. Someone needs to come alongside you today and say: It’s time to come out of hiding.
Here’s where the story of Gideon gets incredible.
God trims Israel’s army from 32,000 men down to just 300, then sends them up against 135,000 Midianite soldiers. His strategy? A trumpet in one hand and a torch inside a clay pitcher in the other. At the signal, all 300 men were to blow their trumpets and smash the pitchers, releasing the light into the darkness.
When they did, the Midianite army panicked. They turned on each other. God delivered Israel through 300 ordinary people who simply refused to hide their light or silence their voice.
What a picture for the Church.
Blowing the trumpet means opening your mouth, letting your voice out, making your faith public, letting your testimony ring out. Breaking the pitcher means removing whatever bushel has covered your light.
Stop being quiet and inhibited about who you are and what you believe.
It’s time to live out loud.
Here’s what breaks my heart about the story of Nicodemus.
In that nighttime conversation with Jesus, Nicodemus heard some of the most profound theological truth in all of Scripture. Jesus told him: “Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God”(John 3:5). Jesus spoke the entire doctrine of the New Birth, water baptism and Spirit baptism, directly to this man.
And then Nicodemus walked away, still unwilling to stand publicly as a disciple of Jesus.
He had extraordinary revelation and kept it completely to himself.
That’s not something we can afford to do. We have received too much, experienced too much, and seen too much of God’s power, grace, and faithfulness to live as undercover Christians.
I used to preach it this way: “You have the message that will change the world.” But I want to say it differently now.
You are the message.
Your life is the proof. Your testimony is the evidence. The story of what Jesus has done in you is the most compelling argument for the Gospel there is, and that is not something you can afford to keep hidden under a bushel.
One more thing worth noticing in the story of Nicodemus: when we first meet him in John 3, he’s a secret disciple. And guess who he’s hanging around with?
Another secret disciple, Joseph of Arimathea.
“Joseph of Arimathea, being a disciple of Jesus, but secretly for fear of the Jews…” (John 19:38). Nicodemus shows up in the very next verse.
Birds of a feather.
If you’re living as a secret disciple, examine who you’re doing life with. If everyone around you is timid, fearful, and hiding their faith, that environment will reinforce your own hesitation. But get around people who live boldly, who carry a trumpet in one hand and a torch in the other, and their courage becomes contagious.
Seek out people who care more about what God thinks than what people think. Find others who will stand with you and declare together: We will not bow.
Here’s the most encouraging part of this story: Nicodemus did not stay a secret disciple forever.
He started in the shadows, sneaking to Jesus at night. But something shifted as time went on. By the time Jesus stood trial before the Sanhedrin, Nicodemus speaks up in His defense, reminding the council that Jewish law requires hearing a man before judging him. His colleagues mocked him for it. He took the hit anyway.
And after the Crucifixion? Nicodemus walks with Joseph of Arimathea directly to Pilate, publicly, to petition for the body of Jesus. He helps take Jesus down from the cross, in broad daylight, for all Jerusalem to see.
Not at night this time.
No longer a secret disciple.
What changed? I believe Nicodemus reached a point where he simply could not know what he knew and remain silent. The truth was too great. The love was too real. The revelation was too costly to keep to himself.
Maybe you’re at that point today.
Maybe you’ve been living as a covert Christian, carefully managing how much of your faith people can see. But like Nicodemus, it’s not too late to make a different decision. Step out of the shadows. Break the pitcher. Put the trumpet to your lips.
The world doesn’t need more undercover apostolics. It needs people who are blood-bought, Word-taught, Holy Ghost-filled, and unashamed, people willing to live their faith out loud.
No more secret disciples.
Pastor Matthew Ball is the Senior Pastor of Faith Apostolic Church in Carmel, Indiana, and the World Missions Director for the Assemblies of the Lord Jesus Christ. This post is adapted from a message preached May 31, 2026.
